Meet the Captain - Alex Downes

I wouldn't say he's young but he's the only Marella Cruises ships captain who has his Dad's name on his driving insurance policy! 

But he insisted he could prove he was a captain and he raised his trouser leg to reveal a pair of cotton socks with "Captain" embroidered on them. 

His freckled face would pass for a lad of twenty. He is in fact approaching forty years of age. He's seven years to go but that's still approaching forty.  Bit of a comedian is our captain.

The row of senior officers, about twelve in number contain several individuals that try to inject humour in their brief, twenty second, biopic and of them the best was the Reception Manager, who, apparently, is still single. He reminds all single female passengers that he is available twenty-four hours a day and if he's not at reception they can leave their number and he'll get right back to them. A very attractive blonde Northern Irish girl is Chief Purser who tried to link her border homeland upbringing with the dark art of smuggling. We  also have an Irish Chief Engineer who kept his speech rather humour free. They all toast our health, walk off the stage and return their barely touched glasses to a waiting wine steward before returning to work.

Departing for a Marella/ TUI cruise by flight

Day -1 Friday Manchester, England

This cruise was going to the middle east but the process is the same for all fly/cruises run by TUI, Marella Cruises, as far as I can see. 

It was gone 12:00 noon before we left the hotel in their free bus and off to Terminal 3 where the baggage collection by TUI commenced over three hours prior to departure. For forty minutes we zigzagged our way through human cattle pens until the bags were weighed and rode off into the bowels of the building on a conveyor belt. The baggage restrictions are 20 kilograms per bag and there is a chance to relocate items if you are overweight at the baggage desk. If desperate swop your heavier shoes/ runners for what you are wearing or put them in the hand luggage as you can carry onboard the flight  a 10-kilogram bag and a handbag

It was only then that we learnt our cabin number. It was 6073.

This occurred as we booked through a third party, Iglu in this case and we took the cheaper price leaving it up to TUI/ Marella to chose the room. 

Obviously, if I'd paid a bit more I could have secured a cabin for definite but would have missed out on possible upgrades to better cabins. You take your choice really. 

Also, it's worth noting that you can, at least in Gatwick, offload the large bags at the airport the night before your TUI flight if you so wish. Look into it if you plan to arrive the day before and can do without the contents of the bigger bags/ cases.  We wandered over to the departure terminal at Gatwick and the staff there were very happy to accept the cases there and then. 

On the day itself, we cleared security with the minimum fuss, given my wife has two metal hips and sets the alarms off at every airport. This time she additionally had her bag opened because her jewellery appeared on the scanner as a mass of metal so it piqued some extra interest.

Boarding from gate A1 commenced almost an hour ahead of departure and we were first in the queue as my wife was just walking past the gate when the TUI staff made the announcement. 

Onboard the TUI Boeing 737 we found that because the flight duration is less than seven hours it is defined as a "short-haul" therefore passengers have to pay for the food and drinks. We happily shelled out for meals and drinks and savoured the holiday vibe. It would be the last spend on such matters for fifteen days as this is an all-inclusive fly/cruise holiday.

That vibe didn’t last long as my wife’s small bottle of red wine somehow spilt over her tray and her trousers! Fortunately, the drinks trolley was passing and the TUI stewardess reacted immediately with a replacement bottle. 

Phew! Our holiday was now back on track.

We landed in Naples at 7:00 pm but lost almost an hour awaiting our cases. The coach journey to the ship took 20 minutes and we saw in the evening night the outline of several volcanoes, all appearing dormant but located menacingly above on the city. 

The ship Marella Cruises Discovery 1 towered over a large modern building where we were processed and exited with boarding cards and passing through Italian police immigration checks before walking up the ramp and finding our cabin.

Room 6073 is probably the smallest cabin we have ever occupied but it still is acceptable. 

The biggest point of note in the cabin is the lack of the UK and Irish 3-pin sockets. There aren’t any so bring at least one adaptor. There are at least six EU and US sockets so no shortage of sockets. As it turned out it was an excellent location, a few minutes from everywhere that mattered.

Off to the ship’s bars, we went flashing the On-board cards and up to the buffet where we had some food. 

We returned to the cabin and unpacked before bed. I had a fitful night’s sleep. 

Not for any reason other than my ticklish chest cough which woke me several times through the night with coughing fits. 

As the day progressed I realised that a considerable number of passengers had the same flu-like symptoms so if you didn’t have it upon boarding the ship you are almost certainly going to get it before you disembark in two weeks time.